It has been difficult for me to try and write this, I have written and re-written this blog piece, scrapping it over and over. Do not worry I am not quitting, I just do not know how to word what I am trying to say.
It has been a trying few months, bouncing between work and sick leave, not knowing which way is up as a result. My ankle OA has progressed to grade 3 going onto grade 4, however because my consultant and GPs are in different “Trusts”, I am slipping through the gap and it is thoroughly frustrating. I still am awaiting my full body scans for my up-to-date joint assessments, and never received the physio I was promised.
Also, I am bouncing from my GP to the consultant, each telling me to contact the other. What I don’t know is, why can’t they contact each other AND move me to a Rheumatologist in my GP’s Trust? Or anyone who can assess my joint stability and inflammation levels.
If this wasn’t bad enough to drive me to frustration, my problems are growing as I started having odd symptoms, and as a Nurse, I realise they could be something, or nothing. So, then I requested a blood test and when the results came, I was asked to repeat in a few weeks due to concerning anomalies, just in case it was a one-off or lab error.
I am still awaiting the second lot of results, however, during this time, the pain in my joints has grown exponentially, which is also rather concerning as it is now effecting my ability to do my job. Instead of my usual 3-day 12-hour shifts, I am having to work 5-6 hours per day instead; which is thanks in part to my amazingly understanding boss. Nevertheless, I cannot keep relying on her, I must be able to independently do my job, so I require something from the doctors.
I absolutely hate going to the doctors because I feel like they judge what I’m saying based off my previous history of psychological issues. Therefore, I’m either sent away with nothing changed or done, or, I am given more of the same pain killer after repeatedly stating it’s not the medication I’m after, it’s information.
I am growing in frustration and it’s getting depressing, and that is “normal”; nothing to do with any psych conditions I have diagnosed. I have been to the doctors every week for the past few weeks trying to force this issue, I am in pain, I want to stay in work and I want to know what on earth is going on behind the scenes! Why can I not get the help I need? I feel awful repeatedly going to the docs, taking up slots that others may need more, however, I have got to get this sorted before my body makes the decisions for me.
All I want to know is, what is going on with my body?
If you are experiencing similar frustration, do not sit there and wait, hoping and trusting in the system, push it, don’t slip through the gaps like me, much love – Sez x
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(Any opinions expressed in Sez’s blog are not necessarily shared by Arthur’s Place. Nothing that you read in Sez’s blog constitutes medical advice.)