Making life changing decisions on my own terms...
As a born and bred, proud Northerner, moving hundreds of miles away and leaving behind the life, family and friends that I loved and knew so well was initially really hard. Somehow, a level of excitement around embarking on a new part of my life managed to outweigh this apprehension and I soon found that it could be easily masked.
This, however, was nearly 15 years ago. A hell of a lot has changed since then – I was a lot healthier for a start!
Life before chronic illness
It was the pre-diagnosis era and I was all about living my best life! I’d abandoned the idea of doing anything with my art degree and decided to study radiography in Scotland. I loved it. I had some amazing experiences and many a night out while living in Edinburgh, and met loads of people that remain in my life to this day.
The ‘work-hard, play-hard’ vibe I had going on continued after I later moved another 350 miles from home to live and work – now as a qualified therapeutic radiographer – in Brighton. By then, I’d been through a long and complicated diagnosis and some really quite scary times of not knowing what was going on with me medically. My weird and seemingly unconnected symptoms transpired to be Ehlers Danlos syndrome (EDS), swiftly followed by not one, but two types of arthritis – rheumatoid and osteoarthritis.
Missing home
My health was up and down from then – much like the rest of my life at that time! It might sound stupid, but it was always when I felt like crap when I realised how much I really missed the relationships I’d left up north. Those were the times when I just wanted a hug, or to have a chat face-to-face with the people at home.
Although I was aware of the benefits to my mental health if I was back there permanently, it didn’t occur to me that the decision to return to my roots would be as huge or difficult as it had been to leave in the first place.
Decision time
The support network I’d cultivated in Brighton was great – largely down to us all working for the NHS. I had really good mates at the hospital and even fell for one of them, moving into a serious, cohabiting relationship. By this point, I’d worked my way up to become a senior specialist radiographer.
The concept of heading back north was something in the back of my mind and, as finding jobs in either Newcastle or Middlesbrough would be a major factor, we’d talked about it, but I had no actual plan to see it through yet. I think I had half-convinced my super southern boyfriend to come but did I fear that he may not survive a North East winter, bless him!
Crunch time came when the COVID-19 pandemic hit.
Things to think about
Having to shield while the rest of the NHS, including my boyfriend, busted a gut caring for the nation meant everything changed in my mind. Being immunosuppressed while working in a healthcare environment is a challenge in itself and I’d found that out the hard way but this, coupled with the time I had to think by myself in isolation and various conversations we had as a couple, made me see clearly. It was the right time to let my health influence my decision to stop working for the NHS and leave the South East.
In retrospect, I should have done it at least 18 months earlier, but I wasn’t in the right headspace at that time to think it through thoroughly enough. A decision as significant as this had to be done properly.
I’ve never felt so disabled, in the traditional sense of the word, than I did right then. Suddenly, it struck me and I realised that actually, that moment of paralysis had allowed me the opportunity to make this massive, life-changing decision on my own terms. And that’s something to be proud of.
If you’ve enjoyed this why not read Part 2 of Beccy’s story?
About Beccy Duffy
North East native Beccy is in her 30s and lives with her boyfriend and their gorgeous, beloved cat, Luna. After finding out she had EDS, Beccy had further diagnoses of chronic illnesses including RA and OA, which came in 2014. In her spare time she enjoys wheelchair racing, spending time with friends and family and is a talented artist and cook. She fights like a badass warrior princess every day.
We are all made of stories
Anyone with a story to tell that’s related to life with arthritis is welcome to submit their work for publication in this blogs section. If you would like to find out more or submit your work, email us at [email protected] or fill in this simple form here: CREATE A BLOG POST FOR ARTHUR. Go for it; you’re awesome!
This is your space – whether you are a young adult with arthritis, a friend, partner or parent – to share what life is like for you; from the everyday small stuff to the big highs and lows. Your submission could be a piece of writing, a photo or series of photos, a video or audio recording. You can submit one piece, or several pieces, it’s really up to you. Whatever you do, we can help you do it, because we understand this will be the first time sharing something so personal for many of you. Our hope is that together we can build the richest and most diverse range of stories about what it’s really like to be in early adulthood – age 18yrs to 35 yrs – and living life with arthritis, whatever that means for you.
