Hi everyone! It’s quite a strong title, isn’t it? But it’s the truth! My chronic pain is driving me mad. I’ve been in constant pain for about 3-4 years now; before that I had some breaks.
The worst moments I can recall from my path with arthritis are those moments when, out of sight, tears slid down my face desperate for the pain to go away. Except it doesn’t! It’s very stubborn! I’ve tried different meds but nothing makes ALL the pain go away. But it’s ok, I can take it. My pain threshold is much higher than normal. I felt stupid the other day when I realized that I don’t consider feeling fine the same as being pain-free! To me, feeling fine is having a pain level that doesn’t stop me from doing the daily activities like eating, speaking, walking, brushing my teeth, writing, using cutlery, brushing my hair, using my cell phone, turning a page, etc…
Chronic pain sucks. Sometimes it’s not a very strong pain, but a dull ache that refuses to go away and it can drive you mad. It makes you not want to leave the house or move or live your life. It brings your mood down and makes you cry with despair.
What do I do? Smile and keep going. I try to hide the pain from everyone because, unless they have a chronic condition, they don’t understand. It’s hard to deal with the looks, the looks that say no one can be 21 and really be in that much pain all the time, we are weak, we love to complain and crave for attention…
Even though it’s what I do, isolation is not a good idea. I end up thinking about the pain 24/7 and feeling depressed. What really helps is crying. Not regularly, of course, but occasionally a good cry is the perfect solution. There are also other things that help, like a pair of Asics trainers, gloves, and heating pads. (Crutches are a no no… they help with walking but they make the pain in my hands/wrists worse).
Why am I going mad? Because it doesn’t go away! My life is a never-ending battle between the mind and the body. There is no rest. It’s exhausting…
But I can do it. And so can you! And just like Christopher Robin said to Winnie the Pooh, “Promise me you’ll always remember: you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think” (A.A. Milne).
Hope you have a nice painless week!
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(Any opinions expressed in Eduarda’s blog are not necessarily shared by Arthur’s Place. Nothing that you read in Eduarda’s blog constitutes medical advice.)